The Kat is back!

Wow, I thought my last entry in this blog was around January or something.. But not starting December!
As well, I'm back with new.. thoughts, things, stuff.. But today, I just want to let it aaall out. What I feel today, I mean.

I'm so confused. I don't even understand myself or what I do. Not now, because most of the time I know what I'm doing and all but since last Friday, I've been feeling.. blank, confused, terrible.
Its like, I got nobody to tell what REALLY is inside, nor like I will post it exactly in here.. But I'm.. Pure garbage. I don't know if I'm the one wrong. I don't know if the one wrong is the world and all the people around me.
This just feels plain weird.. Gah! I can't even say like the whole topic I'm talking about but I am! I know you don't understand but that's sort of the problem: nobody understands me, nor can I understand myself.
But I have the feeling that.. one person does. And I know that person. Its just that he lives a thousand milles away from me.. And why do I think this? Because, as he has told me, he feels just like me.
And that's what I need. Someone just like me. Sometimes I just feel the world has made so much damage to my clear mind.. I'm infected. I'm infected by jealousy, high self-confidence (the one that hurts other people), the looks and all..
And I feel so guilty. So stupid. Because I didn't know it would change my way of thinking this hard. I think that is what makes me feel confused.. real me and modern me, two in one silly, and breakable heart and mind.

But the cool thing is that I haven't given up yet, so I guess I've developed a strength.. Enough strenght to like keep my alive from my insaness.